


The Dirty Hot Neighbor

by the queen conquers (dastardlydame)



Series: The Dirty Hot Neighbor [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Zombies, Annoying Siblings, F/M, First Meetings, Humor, Minor Maggie Greene/Glenn Rhee, Neighbors, Pre-Relationship, The Dirty Hot Neighbor, implied Merle Dixon/Carol Peletier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dastardlydame/pseuds/the%20queen%20conquers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth Greene thinks her hot neighbor might be a murderer, and her sister is no help at all.</p><p>Daryl smolders attractively.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dirty Hot Neighbor

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, this is what happens when I'm like, "You know what would be funny, self? If Beth thought Daryl was a murderer."
> 
> I blame the romance novels of my youth. And 30 Rock. Yep.
> 
>    
> Warnings: language, sexual innuendo, jokes about murder? If I missed anything, please let me know.

"Maggie!" Beth Greene whisper-shouted into her phone, staring out her peephole. "Maggie, pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up."

Maggie must've heard her through some sort of sisterly telepathic bond because she answered with a groggy, "What's up, Bethy?"

"My neighbor is a murderer!"

Maggie yawned loudly. Beth took her eyes off the hallway to stare incredulously at her phone. "Is my impendin' death keepin' you up?"

"No, sorry. Long day with Glenn," she replied. Beth could hear her blankets rustling. "Who is tryin' to kill you? Is it the friendly cat lady? Or is it that dirty hot guy from 6A?"

Beth frowned. "You're not taking me seriously."

"Well, I figure if you're really in danger, you won't call your sister who's twenty miles away. You'll call the police," Maggie said logically.

"If I end up on an episode of _48 Hours_ , it's gonna be your fault."

"I'll only say nice things about you."

Beth stuck her tongue out, even though Maggie couldn't see it.

"I heard that."

"How do you _do_ that?" 

"I think I inherited the gift from Daddy."

Beth agreed. Daddy did always know when you were making a face; he liked to tell you that it would get stuck that way. Beth believed him until she was twelve years old.

"So, who is tryin' to kill you?" Maggie's tone turned sly. "Is it Dirty Hot? I bet it's Dirty Hot."

"I wish you'd stop callin' him that. I think he heard you the last time."

"Is that why he's tryin' to murder you?"

"No, I hate you," Beth groaned. She put her eye to the peephole again. The hallway was empty. "I saw a man go in there with him--"

"Oh, Bethy, do we need to have the Talk again?"

"Not like that!" Beth blushed. "And I'm never askin' you for sex advice again. I'm still recoverin' mentally from the book about masturbation."

"Don't be such a baby. That was a very useful book," Maggie retorted. "Alright, so what happened after the man went inside?"

"Well, there was some yellin' and then a crash." 

"Go on."

"Then, 6A came out of his apartment lookin' frazzled, looked around, and dragged the man's body out of the apartment."

"Sounds like a crime of passion to me," Beth heard Glenn, her sister's longtime boyfriend, add helpfully. Maggie could be heard smacking him away from the phone as she asked, "Where did he take it?" 

"I don't know, but do you see why I'm worried, Maggie?"

"Personally, I thought Dirty Hot's crime of choice would be smoldering so hard that a person died from his penetratin' stare." Maggie sighed and her voice went distant and muffled, like she was covering the mouthpiece. "Yes, Glenn, you're the only man for me. A regular Flynn Ryder."

Dirty Hot--Beth had to find out his real name--came striding down the hall, phone attached to his ear. Beth tuned out her sister's playful bickering with her boyfriend and put her ear against the door. Unfortunately, the walls weren't thin enough for Beth to hear exactly what he was saying, and Dirty Hot had a naturally quiet voice anyway. She could just barely make out a few words through the mumbling but they were enough to freak her out.

"It was his brother! He killed his own brother, Maggie," Beth hissed. "And now he's tellin' someone they have to pick up the body, or he'll leave it on their doorstep!"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to check it out."

"What? No! That's how blondes get murdered in horror movies!" Glenn shouted through the phone.

"I'll be careful. I'm going out my patio door to get to the parking lot." She checked the hallway. 6A's door was closed. "He's in his apartment. It's fine."

"It's really not fine, Bethy," Maggie interjected.

"You're always tellin' me to be more observant."

"Yeah, but I meant during Monopoly because Shawn cheats."

"I'm doing it," Beth said, resolute. She ignored Maggie and Glenn's protests. "Ssshhh, I'm going outside and takin' you with me. Stay on the line."

Taking a deep breath for courage, she slid the patio door open and stepped out into the balmy summer night. Everything was quiet, eerily so, and Glenn was right--it was the beginning of almost every scary movie in the history of cinema. Beth shivered despite the warm temperature and inched her way over to the parking lot, keeping to the shadows.

Luck was on her side because Dirty Hot's black truck was parked next to her sunshine yellow Volkswagen Bug. That would provide the perfect cover if he caught her snooping.

She hoped.

Her hand clenched around the phone, making the case creak, as she crept over to the cab window. It was covered in dirt, like the rest of the truck, so she lifted her hand to wipe it off.

"Caaaaaarollllllll, is that ya?"

Beth shrieked and jumped away when a hand and unshaven cheek pressed against the window from the inside.

"Carol, woman, ya know I love ya," the cheek groaned. Drool trailed down the glass.

Beth could only stare in horrified awe when the slurred voice started to sing. Badly.

"Baby come back, ya can blame it all on me! I was wrong and I just can't live without yaaaaa."

"Beth, what the hell is that noise? Is Dirty Hot torturing a cat now?" Maggie sounded as confused as Beth felt.

"I think the cat is singing Hall and Oates," Glenn offered.

"I'd do anythin' fer love, but I won't do thaaaaat."

"That's Meatloaf," Beth heard her sister comment.

"Carrrrrolllll, when ya gonna make an honest man out of ole Merle Dixsshhhonnn?"

The man started to sob drunkenly. "Look into mah eyessss and you'll see what ya mean to meeeee. Everythin' I do, I do it fer yaaaaa."

"Bethy, is that a drunk man singin' love ballads?" 

"Bryan Adams," Glenn announced. 

"This isn't a guessing game, Glenn," Maggie said, exasperated but fond.

"If it was, I'd be winning."

Beth shook her head at their antics. She was relieved that the man was alive and that Dirty Hot was not, in fact, guilty of fratricide. 

So relieved that she didn't notice she had company.

"What the hell are ya doin'?" 

Beth squeaked, spinning around and coming face to face with 6A. He was scowling down at her and brandishing a bottle of water like it was a weapon.

The man in the truck belched.

"Um, hi." Beth cleared her throat and ran a sweaty hand down her jeans. "I'm Beth. I, um, live across the hall--"

"I know," Dirty Hot interrupted in that growly voice of his.

"Right, well, I was checkin' to make sure I locked my car, and heard a noise," she licked her lips and continued, "and thought I'd check it out."

Dirty Hot looked skeptical. Beth panicked a bit and added sweetly, "Just being neighborly."

"Mm'hmm." He just kept staring. Maggie was right about the smoldering. Beth was ready to spill all her secrets and ask to touch his biceps or something.

"Darrrryllllll, is that you, baby brother?" A fist knocked on the glass. "Darrrrrrylllll, why did she leave meeeeeee?"

So, his name was Daryl. She could finally stop referring to him as his apartment number or her sister's accurate but inappropriate nickname.

Daryl shot the truck a disgusted look. "Good Lord, Merle, pull yerself together. This is embarrassin'."

"He was singin' earlier," she confided, peering into the truck.

"That's what that dyin' cat was?" She nodded. Daryl sighed, opening the door and tossing in a bottle of water. 

Merle grunted, "Ow, ya fucker, that hit me in the nose!"

Daryl had no sympathy. "Serves ya right, ya damn idiot. Caterwaulin' out here and bitchin' about yer woman leavin' ya. And you broke my fuckin' lamp."

That was the crash, then.

"She ripped my heart outta my chest and stomped all over it," Merle wailed. His hiccuping sobs were actually a little heartbreaking, though Dirty Hot--Daryl--didn't seem to think so.

"Carol didn't do shit. She told ya to stop smokin' and when she caught ya doin' it anyway, she kicked yer sorry ass out."

"Cigarettes mean nothin' to me, Darylina. All I want is Carol," he groaned and knocked his head against the window.

"Then, for the love of God, quit, ya ass. Best thing to ever happen to ya and ya blow it over a pack of smokes."

"Yer right. I'm gonna go win her back and she can make an honest man outta ole Merle!" Beth could see him trying to sit up--and failing miserably at it. He was like that French Bulldog that got stuck on its back and kept rolling back and forth.

He finally seemed to give up. "Tomorrow!" Merle proclaimed before letting out a loud snore.

Daryl just shook his head. "Damn fool."

"Well, uh, I better get back. It's getting late," Beth stated, tugging at her ponytail and backing away.

Daryl tore his eyes away from the truck to smolder in her direction. Oh my. "Yeah, I best turn the SOB on his side, so he doesn't choke to death."

"Do you need help?"

"Nah, I got him." His lips curled into a small grin. "But thanks."

Beth nodded, nibbling her lower lip. She noticed his pretty blue eyes follow the motion and stopped, self-conscious. "Alright, well, goodnight."

"Night."

She started the walk back to her apartment but stopped at Daryl's parting words.

"Next time ya wanna play Nancy Drew, make sure to bring some pepper spray or somethin'. All kinds o' crazies out there."

A groan of "Carol" came from the truck, making Daryl roll his eyes. "Includin' my brother."

Beth nodded, cheeks flushing, and hurried inside. Once she was safely back in her apartment, she put the phone back to her ear. "You still there?"

"Oh yeah," Maggie's tone was amused. "He sounds as hot as he looks, Bethy."

"I'm right here," Glenn muttered.

"Sorry, honey."

"No, I guess that's fair. I've seen him."

"Okay, I'm hangin' up and going to bed," Beth cut them off before the pair could start comparing notes about Daryl's dreaminess.

"Gonna put Dirty Hot and that book I gave you to good use, huh?"

"I hate you."

**Author's Note:**

> Beth, that was dangerous. You're lucky that Daryl wasn't a murderer and just a really attractive neighbor with an obnoxious brother.
> 
> I think I want to make this silliness into a series. Idk, I should finish "is this how you say hello" first.
> 
> Also, I have like a whole headcanon for Carol and Merle. I ship her with a couple different people but that s3 deleted scene (and subsequent behind the scenes pic of Melissa and Michael touching foreheads) gave me feelings. I have a lot of feelings. I'm like 85% feelings.
> 
> Everything belongs to its respective owners. Parody and stuff. Thangs. Caaarrrrrl.
> 
> Did you read all these notes? If so, you deserve a hug from the TWD character of your choice. :D


End file.
